how to be asian with professor kim

Lesson Three: Freebies... are WIN
Well, you may look at this lesson and think, what? I know that? I love free stuff! I'm an asian. Hell, i may not even be asian, but i know free stuff is good! THINK AGAIN. This is not a matter of 'hey, its a freebie, lets take one. oh wait this is worth a lot! i made money.' Nonono. When it comes to getting freebies, there is a definite process involved.

First, let's define 'freebies'. Professor Kim's definition is:
Freebie - anything that is free
That's right, anything free = win.

Now lets go into the mechanics of getting freebies. Let's take what happened with yun, crystal and annie recently. They ran into a stall giving out free vitamin waters. They took one each, and annie won an extra one by chance. This is very amateur asian-ness. They were content with their four vitamin waters!!! NO. Rule number one with freebies is: NEVER BE HAPPY WITH WHAT YOU HAVE. The stuff is free! you want more! you gain, they don't lose - a win win situation. If they are going to give away stuff for free, why not to you? SO. yun annie and crystal walked away content with their 4 vitamin waters. Lets see what they should have done...

OBVIOUSLY they should have gone back for more. Five to ten minutes seems to be the optimal time to wait before: a) suppliers forget your face b) to maximise your profits. You should return to get your free sample only three times, four if you can be inconspicuous. As many times as you like if you're tahsin >.>

Now, why stop here? Rule 2 is FIND A SAFE PLACE FOR YOUR FREEBIES. if you return to the vitamin water stall with three bottles in your arms, thats just stupid. FIND A PLACE/SOMEONE who can keep all your freebies safe. In my example, say, yun and annie could have dumped their bottles on crystal, and returned 3 more times. SO by this time, crystal should have 10 bottles of vitamin water.

Rule 3. DISGUISES. yup they do work. anything goes, from taking a jacket off, then tying it around your waist, to taking your glasses off and tying your hair differently. This should get you around 3 or 4 more shots at the freebies. Back to our example - say that yun and annie, using disguises obtained 7 more bottles of vitamin water. SCORE! that brings their total to SEVENTEEN BOTTLES

last rule: RULE 4 - SWITCH ROLES. thats right. its crystals turn to get the vitamin waters now, while annie and yun mind. if the whole process takes long enough, they can even go again after crystals done getting her share of freebies. lets say crystal gets 7 bottles more, and yun and annie go again getting a bottle each. NINE BOTTLES! bringing the grand total to TWENTY SIX BOTTLES OF VITAMIN WATER. Now yun annie and crystal have enough to start their OWN little stall. at $3 market price, 26x$3=$78! From these vitamin water freebies, yun crystal and annie have made a whopping $78.

Now THAT'S a win for sure.

-RKim-